QB Recap: Week One

15 09 2009

“They are who we thought they were!” I sometimes have to remind myself that people usually turn out to be EXACTLY who we thought they were.  Kanye West proved that in his not-so-shocking stunt at the VMAs this weekend, where he simply reminded us that he is the same unstable egomaniac he always was.  Really, why is everyone so surprised?!

I can’t tell you how many fantasy football articles pointed out how unlikely it is that Drew Brees (NOR) or Adrian Peterson (MIN) would put up the kind of big numbers they had in previous years.  I’m not sure what their scoring rules are, but in my league six touchdowns for a QB is a good thing.  Actually, hold on let me check my scoring rules – ok turns out 180 yards and three touchdowns is pretty dang good for a running back too!

Week One was filled with many things I could have seen coming, but these are a few more of my favorites.

-Carson Palmer (CIN): He definitely is who I thought he was!  Watching him play was like running into your ex that dumped you, just to find that he put on 60 pounds and is now living out of his car.  Boy, did I dodge a bullet by swearing off this guy!

-Donovan McNabb (PHI): This guy gets hurt more that my five-year-old riding without his training wheels.  I knew Vick had hit a gold mine in Philly.  I could not imagine that McNabb would stay healthy two seasons in a row.  Did that fool actually break a rib in Week One?  Yes, he did.  We’ll see how long he is “down and out” in coming games.

-Jay Cutler (CHI): I tried to warn all the Washington fans not to lust after Cutler.  He was no better than Campbell in my opinion and would sorely disappoint.  All I can say is – when you’re right; you’re right.  Who gets a new franchise QB just to watch them throw four interceptions in the first game?  Only in Chicago, baby

-Tom Brady (NWE): I think I saw Tom Brady throw a game winning (perfect) TD pass on Monday Night Football.  If I didn’t know better, I would think he was almost as good as – Tom Brady.  He may not be back to his original form, but he is definitely still “who I thought he was.”

 

What did you see this week?  The floor is open…leave it in the comments.

 

WEEK ONE QB TIP: Want to tell someone who loves you that you “are who they thought you were?”  If you don’t have the nerve to say it yourself – look for the long rectangular cards in Hallmark.  They have lots of words on them and are guaranteed to make most women cry.  All you have to do is sign your name!  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.





Chad Ocho Cinco

1 09 2009

Ocho Cinco

If you could have chosen your own name, what would you want it to be?  Our first name tells people who we are and our last name tells the world where we came from.  The player formerly known as Chad Johnson legally changed his last name to “Ocho Cinco” during the 2008 preseason.  This move forced the league to change his jersey and properly honor the union of the number eight and the number five from which Chad was created.

Like most people, I wrote this stunt off as the usually humorous mixture of arrogance and stupidity.  However, I’m starting to think Chad might have been trying to help the world evolve.  Maybe we shouldn’t have to just walk around with the names we were given at birth.  Maybe we need to take his lead and go grab our little piece of individuality.  Too often we conform to norms just because that is the way things have always been.  Why not pick our own names?  We pick our own jobs, clothes, and cars – all designed to reflect something about who we are.  Is it really that crazy?

People like to pick out things for themselves and that is exactly why I’m NOT against giving gift cards.  They allow the person to get something that is perfectly customized to their preferences.  Gift cards get a bad rap for being thoughtless, but they can actually be sentimental or romantic.  Here are some suggestions on making a gift card more personal, but feel free to reach out to me offline if you need additional ideas.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

 

IDEAS TO PERSONALIZE A GIFT CARD 

  • Gift Card Hunt: Fill a big box with candy (M&Ms, Skittles, Tootsie Rolls, etc) and have her hunt for the gift card.
  • Picture It: Put a romantic or sentimental picture directly on it.  Check out these Visa personalized gift cards.
  • Quirky Stores: A $50 gift card to an ice-cream parlor still seems like a fun and unique gift, whereas $50 at Macy’s seems more generic.
  • Entertain Me: Consider a Ticketmaster gift card.  This way you are giving the experience, but they get to pick which performance and/or dates work best for them.




Terry Bradshaw

25 08 2009

terry bradshaw

In my circle of friends, we use the term “Outback wings” to describe anything that receives so much hype that the reality can’t live up to it.  This expression came about because a few of us have deep respect for the chicken wings at Outback Steakhouse.  And why shouldn’t we?!  They are well seasoned, crunchy, not greasy, and meaty.  I DO NOT care what anybody says, Outback makes some great wings!  The fact that I expressed this opinion so admittedly has made some of my friends insist that those very yummy wings are merely average.  I don’t know what it is about something being anointed “great” or “the best” that just makes people want to scrutinize it more.

This is definitely the case in football too.  Terry Bradshaw was the first player selected in the 1970 NFL draft.  Usually this tends to bring on the “Outback wings” syndrome and the player never really lives up to the hype.  I can think of numerous examples of this but the one that is sticking out at the moment is Courtney Brown.  Brown was the first pick of the 2000 NFL draft.  This was the same year Tom Brady was drafted #199.  Brown was plagued by injury his entire career and was ultimately cut from the Denver Broncos in 2007.  Terry Bradshaw on the other hand, lived up to every expectation (and then some).  He won four Super Bowls while quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers.  He was a two-time Super Bowl MVP and obviously he resides in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.  Now maybe the story of a #1 draft pick becoming a hall of famer lacks the kind of dramatic tension we like in the movies, but sometimes the obvious answer is the best answer.

This brings me to the top mentioned “best gift” story from women – the spa day.  Sure it seems SO obvious, but that doesn’t change the fact that most women really enjoy the pampering.  I can’t express how important it is the keep your woman relaxed.  As the expression goes, “If Mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy.”  Trust me – a spa day is a gift for both of you.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.





Jerry Rice

5 08 2009

Can you dance?  Do you have smooth moves or are you a two-step kind of guy?  I hope you know that women correlate chemistry on the dance floor as a leading indicator of your overall compatibility.  In my opinion, that doesn’t mean you have to be breaking into the splits or doing Michael Jackson leans.  Even if you can’t dance at all – mess up with style.  Make her laugh, show her you are at ease with your body.  The number one thing you need to know about women, is that we are more attracted to subtle confidence than aggressive masculinity.  I took an unscientific poll and found that most women desired Jerry Rice much more on Dancing with the Stars than during his Hall of Fame football career.  True – a few didn’t even know he played football prior to his appearance on the show, but that is neither here nor there.

Today’s best gift comes from a happy wife who received a dancing lesson from her husband as an anniversary gift.  This daring husband selected a Tango lesson because he wanted to make sure he got something out of his efforts on the floor (see Jennifer Lopez video below).  Dancing lessons are a great idea for an anniversary.  It celebrates your bond with special time together and it can also help you “get the party started” (if you know what I mean).  Trust me on this one.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

 





QB Weekender

1 08 2009

Which NFL quarterback has the hottest woman?  These are my picks.  Scroll through these pictures and decide for yourself.  Just a little weekend fun! 

 

Tom Brady (New England Patriots): Gisele Bündchen (wife)

Gisele Bundchen

Jason Campbell (Washington Redskins): Mercedes Lindsay (girlfriend)

Mercedes Lindsay

Mark Sanchez (New York Jets): Hilary Rhoda (girlfriend)

Hilary Rhoda

Ben Roethlisberger (Pittsburgh Steelers): Missy Peregrym (girlfriend)

Missy Peregrym

Aaron Rodgers (Green Bay Packers): Julie Henderson (girlfriend)

Julie henderson sparkle





Roger Goodell

30 07 2009

RogerGoodell

Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice reportedly said that being NFL Commissioner would be her dream job.  Roger Goodell (the man pictured above) is the current commissioner.  This job has required him to deal with players fighting dogs, killing people while driving drunk, and getting into fights after “makin’ it downpour” in a strip club – and much, much more.  I’m not sure WHY Condi would want that job?!  It sounds like a major headache to me.

What’s your dream job?  I define “dream job” as the tasks you would still do if you hit the lottery and no longer needed the money.  Are you currently working with your passion?  My passion is giving.  I don’t mean making purchases.  I mean giving of yourself to the people you love.  I mean celebrating relationships and special milestones with those that make your life worth living. 

Giving is a lifestyle and not just an occasion.  It can be infused in everything you do (from compliments, to kind gestures, and of course actual gifts).  Living as a giver is just like being a quarterback.  You get the ball every time, you call the plays, and you have a chance to deliver for the team.  In this case, the team is anyone and everyone.  Giving spreads, so the more you do it – the more others will too.  I can’t think of a better job than helping people win on the giving field and I appreciate you allowing me to do it – just by reading this.  Now if you paid me that would be nice too!  Oh well, you’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

Now go give somebody something!





Tarvaris Jackson

29 07 2009

Tarvaris Jackson, Minnesota Vikings QB

So I know what you’re thinking, who the hell is Tarvaris Jackson?!  He is the guy that Brett Favre tortured for almost the entire NFL offseason.  Would he be getting another shot at Minnesota’s quarterback job?  Today Tarvaris got his answer and Brett Favre officially decided to stay retired.  Favre thought his body was just too old to play an entire season.  I must say I’m really surprised at this decision, but probably not more surprised than Tarvaris was.

Tarvaris has a spotty performance record to say the least.  In the 2008 season, he started two games before being benched.  Due to an injury, he started again in week 14 and actually played really well for the rest of the season.  The playoffs were a different story and they lost in the first round to Philly.  Tarvaris looked terrible in that game!  My mother is a Philly fan and I actually still remember it.

So thanks to Brett’s indecision, the Vikings didn’t make any significant moves to get a better quarterback in the offseason and might be stuck with Tarvaris (and a hope and a prayer).  I say “might”, because there is little doubt Tarvaris will have to fight for his job again, but this time against Sage Rosenfels.  Sage offers Minnesota a less strong, but more accurate option.  Hard to say who wins this one, but who doesn’t love a good fight?!

Fighting is fun to watch, but it isn’t fun to be a part of it.  I’ve heard the popular argument, but I will take happy sex over make-up sex any day.  Once in a fight, some men are tempted to use gifts to try to end the quarrel.  My gift tip here is super simple.  Don’t freakin do this!  Gifts should be to celebrate what you have and not a ploy to alter emotions.  If a heartfelt apology isn’t enough then fix it with your actions (and not your wallet).  Don’t get me wrong, women will absolutely take your gift.  However, you will get more bang for your buck if you give it on another occasion (and the same applies to giving make-up flowers).  SAVE YOUR MONEY!  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

 

QUESTION:  Without looking back, how many times did I write Tarvaris’s name?