QB Recap: Week One

15 09 2009

“They are who we thought they were!” I sometimes have to remind myself that people usually turn out to be EXACTLY who we thought they were.  Kanye West proved that in his not-so-shocking stunt at the VMAs this weekend, where he simply reminded us that he is the same unstable egomaniac he always was.  Really, why is everyone so surprised?!

I can’t tell you how many fantasy football articles pointed out how unlikely it is that Drew Brees (NOR) or Adrian Peterson (MIN) would put up the kind of big numbers they had in previous years.  I’m not sure what their scoring rules are, but in my league six touchdowns for a QB is a good thing.  Actually, hold on let me check my scoring rules – ok turns out 180 yards and three touchdowns is pretty dang good for a running back too!

Week One was filled with many things I could have seen coming, but these are a few more of my favorites.

-Carson Palmer (CIN): He definitely is who I thought he was!  Watching him play was like running into your ex that dumped you, just to find that he put on 60 pounds and is now living out of his car.  Boy, did I dodge a bullet by swearing off this guy!

-Donovan McNabb (PHI): This guy gets hurt more that my five-year-old riding without his training wheels.  I knew Vick had hit a gold mine in Philly.  I could not imagine that McNabb would stay healthy two seasons in a row.  Did that fool actually break a rib in Week One?  Yes, he did.  We’ll see how long he is “down and out” in coming games.

-Jay Cutler (CHI): I tried to warn all the Washington fans not to lust after Cutler.  He was no better than Campbell in my opinion and would sorely disappoint.  All I can say is – when you’re right; you’re right.  Who gets a new franchise QB just to watch them throw four interceptions in the first game?  Only in Chicago, baby

-Tom Brady (NWE): I think I saw Tom Brady throw a game winning (perfect) TD pass on Monday Night Football.  If I didn’t know better, I would think he was almost as good as – Tom Brady.  He may not be back to his original form, but he is definitely still “who I thought he was.”


What did you see this week?  The floor is open…leave it in the comments.


WEEK ONE QB TIP: Want to tell someone who loves you that you “are who they thought you were?”  If you don’t have the nerve to say it yourself – look for the long rectangular cards in Hallmark.  They have lots of words on them and are guaranteed to make most women cry.  All you have to do is sign your name!  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.


Terry Bradshaw

25 08 2009

terry bradshaw

In my circle of friends, we use the term “Outback wings” to describe anything that receives so much hype that the reality can’t live up to it.  This expression came about because a few of us have deep respect for the chicken wings at Outback Steakhouse.  And why shouldn’t we?!  They are well seasoned, crunchy, not greasy, and meaty.  I DO NOT care what anybody says, Outback makes some great wings!  The fact that I expressed this opinion so admittedly has made some of my friends insist that those very yummy wings are merely average.  I don’t know what it is about something being anointed “great” or “the best” that just makes people want to scrutinize it more.

This is definitely the case in football too.  Terry Bradshaw was the first player selected in the 1970 NFL draft.  Usually this tends to bring on the “Outback wings” syndrome and the player never really lives up to the hype.  I can think of numerous examples of this but the one that is sticking out at the moment is Courtney Brown.  Brown was the first pick of the 2000 NFL draft.  This was the same year Tom Brady was drafted #199.  Brown was plagued by injury his entire career and was ultimately cut from the Denver Broncos in 2007.  Terry Bradshaw on the other hand, lived up to every expectation (and then some).  He won four Super Bowls while quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers.  He was a two-time Super Bowl MVP and obviously he resides in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.  Now maybe the story of a #1 draft pick becoming a hall of famer lacks the kind of dramatic tension we like in the movies, but sometimes the obvious answer is the best answer.

This brings me to the top mentioned “best gift” story from women – the spa day.  Sure it seems SO obvious, but that doesn’t change the fact that most women really enjoy the pampering.  I can’t express how important it is the keep your woman relaxed.  As the expression goes, “If Mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy.”  Trust me – a spa day is a gift for both of you.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

QB Weekender

1 08 2009

Which NFL quarterback has the hottest woman?  These are my picks.  Scroll through these pictures and decide for yourself.  Just a little weekend fun! 


Tom Brady (New England Patriots): Gisele Bündchen (wife)

Gisele Bundchen

Jason Campbell (Washington Redskins): Mercedes Lindsay (girlfriend)

Mercedes Lindsay

Mark Sanchez (New York Jets): Hilary Rhoda (girlfriend)

Hilary Rhoda

Ben Roethlisberger (Pittsburgh Steelers): Missy Peregrym (girlfriend)

Missy Peregrym

Aaron Rodgers (Green Bay Packers): Julie Henderson (girlfriend)

Julie henderson sparkle

Carson Palmer

3 07 2009


Raise your hand if you know where that lyric came from?  OK…interesting.  I’m going to try to get through this post without flying into rage or curling up into a ball and sobbing.  Wish me luck.  I normally don’t like to allow his name to be spoken, but for the sake of learning I will be covering Carson Palmer today.  During the 2005 season, Carson Palmer was on top of his game.  He ended his season in injury one step from a Wildcard slot, but with expectations for his greatness running high.  I drafted him on my fantasy team in 2006 and he was good (not great, but good).  When the decision came up in 2007, I had a choice of Palmer or Brady.  My feelings on Brady were mixed (see Tom Brady post for more details) so I decided to “stand by my man” and select Palmer for another year.  Well, Brady was nothing short of amazing and Palmer was nothing short of mediocre.  I often played Brett Favre (my backup) just for variety.

I will never (ever, ever, ever) pick Carson Palmer again.  We have OFFICIALLY broken up!  He claims this will be a breakthrough year, but I won’t be falling for that late night booty call from the ex.

Breakups can be tough, especially when it comes to deciding what should be done with gifts given throughout the relationship.  It may seem confusing, but actually the rules are pretty simple.  If you gave it, it’s gone.  However, if you receive a big ticket item (like a plasma TV) the week before YOU break up with someone, the classy thing to do (though still not required) would be to return it.  The one exception to this is an engagement ring.  That isn’t really a gift.  It is a contract.  She gets the ring and you get her hand in marriage.  If you don’t decide to get married, the ring should be returned immediately.  You are NOT a jerk for asking for it back even if you broke off the engagement (though her friends will definitely say otherwise).  If you do get married and it doesn’t work out, the original contract was still fulfilled.  Kiss the ring goodbye. 

Incase you’re curious; I don’t suggest you work any of the “a ring is a contract” statements into your proposal.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

Matt Cassel

27 06 2009

I hope that made you laugh (and didn’t offend too many).  It has been a rough week and I think we all need a laughter break from life’s stresses and the nonstop memorials!  Thanks SNL and Justin Timberlake.  So what in the world does the clip above have to do with Matt Cassel?  Let’s face it, Matt Cassel is pretty boring (and that clip isn’t).  A year ago he was a virtual “nobody”.  He stood in for Tom Brady last season during the Patriots time of need and actually did a pretty good job.  The Patriots would have held on to him (especially since Brady’s recovery has yet to be tested), but Cassel was putting too much pressure on their salary cap and had to go.  He was traded to the Kansas City Chiefs during the offseason. 

We all face salary caps of our own and we call them our budgets.  The clip above highlights one option for a pretty inexpensive gift (though I don’t recommend it unless the recipient is ALREADY your woman AND has a GREAT sense of humor).  The key to giving with little to no expense is dramatically increasing the gift’s thought and creativity.  As mentioned in the Vick post, “cheap and thoughtless” is a dangerous combination.  If you already have a talent this will be easy.  You can paint a picture, compose a song, take some photographs, or write a story.  Less skilled ideas include issuing favor coupons or donating your time to a charity in their name.  Another winner is writing a sincere letter about their value in your life.  At the end of the day, the success of these ideas will often hinge on presentation.  You will need to take the time to provide the look and feel you would give to a more expensive gift.  This means boxing and wrapping these gifts (including the letter).  Inside the box, there should be actual certificates for your favor coupons or to commemorate the time you donated.  These ideas are a lot more work than their pricey counterparts, but they are likely to be the gifts your loved ones remember the most.  This is especially true when gifting your mother.  I don’t recommend trying this every year for every occasion, but it is actually a nice refreshing gesture (even when you have the money to buy something else).  If your woman doesn’t agree, get a new woman.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

Tom Brady

8 06 2009

I can’t decide if I should admire or hate Tom Brady.  It is hard to deny his greatness as a quarterback.  He has been to four Super Bowls, won three, and been the MVP twice.  He also has that great “rags to riches” story about being the #199 pick in the 2000 NFL draft.  So what is there not to like, you ask?  Well for starters, I just have to cringe every time I see his pretty boy face.  I also made a ballsy call (in my opinion) and selected him in the first round of my fantasy draft last year.  Unfortunately, the Ken doll suffered a season ending knee injury in the very beginning of the very first game and down the drain went my investment.  Am I still bitter?  Yes.  So as we approach the summer and talk of Tom’s much anticipated return surface, I am left with the dilemma.  Do I like him or do I hate him?

Then recently as I was surfing through YouTube I came across this clip.  I don’t follow celebrity gossip much so I’m sure I was probably the last one to see this.  Still, I think you will enjoy it.

Wow!  Having the paparazzi hunted down and shot on your wedding day?  Looks like Mr. Brady married one bad chick!  I have to respect the gangsta of any man that marries a woman like that.

Most women like to be thought of in exactly this way.  They want you to completely respect them and admire their nice side.  They also want you to be in awe of them and desire their naughty side.  If you think back to all the women you had, have, or hope to have you probably think of them in one of the two camps…naughty or nice.  When selecting a gift for them however, you really want to celebrate both sides.  That is what makes a woman feel totally understood by you.  This is probably more important to keep in mind on occasions like her birthday, Valentine’s Day, or possibly even your anniversary.  An example of such a gift is buying a hard cover copy of her favorite book (assuming she has one and only has it in soft cover).  NICE.  Accompany this with a sexy nightgown.  NAUGHTY.  Tell her you want to watch her read it in bed.  In one fail swoop your gift tells this woman that you respect her brain, know the unique things that make her special (i.e. her favorite book), AND also really want to get her in bed.  That gift message is a winner every time.  If you think this doesn’t apply to your woman, be careful because the next man might.  It can’t hurt to give it a try.  And as always, feel free to reach out to me offline if you need more explicit direction.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you!