QB Recap: Week Four

7 10 2009

Favre Against Green Bay

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”  The Usual Suspects (1995)


In my opinion, boredom is the most dangerous emotion in the human condition.  We give the most focus to our decisions prompted by love, jealousy, or even revenge – but boredom is just as volatile.  People don’t even seem to notice when their actions are prompted by boredom and that is what makes it so very unpredictable.  Because we rarely acknowledge the explosive power of boredom, we rarely manage the emotion with the same temperance and caution that we give emotions like rage, envy, or even euphoria.  Think of some of the mistakes you made in your life (the ones you can’t figure out why in the world you made at all) and chances are you were bored.  Many things can cure boredom; happiness and fulfillment are definitely good options.  However, most people quell the subtle burn of boredom with drama.  Drama is seldom positive, but always exciting.  Everyone says they don’t want drama, yet they create it in their lives over and over…and over again.  Why?  Here’s a hint – A LOT of people are bored.

Brett Favre’s first meeting with his old team had almost as much drama as a Super Bowl matchup.  It was the kind of story that the media craves and the public loves.  I must admit that I was guilty of buying into the drama of last night’s game too!  I bought into it so much, that it is the only game I will be covering in this week’s recap.  Not often do games live up to all the hype, but this game was absolutely electric.  Brett proved that he still “had it” at 39 years old and the Vikings proved that they are a scarily well balanced team (running, passing, offensive line, defense, AND special teams).  Now that the dust has settled and my boredom has been quelled with the drama, I have to wonder if that game was really something I should have been celebrating at all.  I wanted to see Brett get his revenge on a team that dumped him– but why?  Brett was loved in Green Bay and he gave it all away just to prove to people that he still “had it.”  Really it is more sad than exciting.  In Brett’s first interview after the game, he said that the game didn’t prove anything to him because he already knew he was a great player.  Did he?  If he already knew he was a great player then why would he trade the adoration and reputation that he spent an entire career building in Green Bay?  What was the point if he had nothing to prove to himself?  Did he really just have to have a few more snaps or one more season?  Hmmm….maybe he was just bored.


QB TIP: Bored of the same old gifts?  Give an adventure…read this post for some ideas.   You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.


P.S. I was out sick for Week Three…sorry!  It wasn’t swine flu, but I had to trade my laptop for the pillow.


QB Recap: Week Two

23 09 2009

NFC East Quarterbacks

It was a pretty disappointing week for the NFC East.  I have talked to numerous fans and nobody really seems happy – even the winners.  Which fans do you think should be the most upset?



The Washington Post ran an article on Monday entitled, “The Agony of Victory.”  This was referring to the Washington Redskins’ narrow victory over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday.  Tampa Bay is speculated to be the second worst team in the NFL and Washington was heavily favored to beat them by a large margin.  Fans hoped that the Redskins would want to make a statement in this game – due to an embarrassing loss to Tampa Bay in 2008 and the need to improve on their performance from last week.  For anyone who saw this game, I don’t have to say much about it.  Washington never scored a single touchdown the entire game.  It isn’t that they look horrible; it is that they can’t seem to get the job done.  Next week they play the absolute worst team in the league.  Could they possibly lose to Detroit?


The Giants are another team that struggled in the red zone.  They made several long drives down the field and only to walk away with field goals.  This is exactly what you don’t want to see if you are a coach (or a fan)!  They also did a lot of passing which isn’t their usual style.  Why was the running game so ineffective? Like the Redskins, the Giants also won their game on Sunday night.  Still, they are 2-0 so I think their fans should stop all that whining and count their blessings!


To be totally honest with you, I thought for the most part my Dallas Cowboys looked great on Sunday.  They were on fire in the red zone and the Defense did a great job holding the G-men to field goals.  They lost the game because of mistakes “they” (i.e. Tony Romo) made and not because they were beaten.  So who cares about that?  Nobody.  If you lose, nobody cares why.  Is Dallas a better team than Washington?  I definitely think so.  Do they have the same record?  You better believe it.  Romo better clean up his act pronto!


Only Philly gave us an example of a traditional “ass-whopping” this week.  That is when you are seriously outmatched and you go out on the filed and make a fool of yourself.  New Orleans ran all over their defense and without McNabb, Philly didn’t have the horsepower to compete offensively.  When will McNabb be back?  Will he be at peak performance?  Would Vick have done any better if he could have played?  Philly fans are seriously worried.


I know I’m mainly focusing on the NFC East teams this week, but I need to give a quick “shot-out” to Brett Favre and Mark Sanchez.  At different ends of the career spectrum, they both showed they could get the job done.  It gave me something to admire in a week with many disappointments.


QB TIP: When was the last time you bought a gift for your “biggest fan”?  If you are giving it for no reason, any gift (and I do mean any gift) should please your mother.  You can keep it as simple as flowers, a card, or even just an unsolicited phone call.  You will never get more “bang-for-the-buck” than when gifting your mom.  A little bit goes a LONG way.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

Tarvaris Jackson

29 07 2009

Tarvaris Jackson, Minnesota Vikings QB

So I know what you’re thinking, who the hell is Tarvaris Jackson?!  He is the guy that Brett Favre tortured for almost the entire NFL offseason.  Would he be getting another shot at Minnesota’s quarterback job?  Today Tarvaris got his answer and Brett Favre officially decided to stay retired.  Favre thought his body was just too old to play an entire season.  I must say I’m really surprised at this decision, but probably not more surprised than Tarvaris was.

Tarvaris has a spotty performance record to say the least.  In the 2008 season, he started two games before being benched.  Due to an injury, he started again in week 14 and actually played really well for the rest of the season.  The playoffs were a different story and they lost in the first round to Philly.  Tarvaris looked terrible in that game!  My mother is a Philly fan and I actually still remember it.

So thanks to Brett’s indecision, the Vikings didn’t make any significant moves to get a better quarterback in the offseason and might be stuck with Tarvaris (and a hope and a prayer).  I say “might”, because there is little doubt Tarvaris will have to fight for his job again, but this time against Sage Rosenfels.  Sage offers Minnesota a less strong, but more accurate option.  Hard to say who wins this one, but who doesn’t love a good fight?!

Fighting is fun to watch, but it isn’t fun to be a part of it.  I’ve heard the popular argument, but I will take happy sex over make-up sex any day.  Once in a fight, some men are tempted to use gifts to try to end the quarrel.  My gift tip here is super simple.  Don’t freakin do this!  Gifts should be to celebrate what you have and not a ploy to alter emotions.  If a heartfelt apology isn’t enough then fix it with your actions (and not your wallet).  Don’t get me wrong, women will absolutely take your gift.  However, you will get more bang for your buck if you give it on another occasion (and the same applies to giving make-up flowers).  SAVE YOUR MONEY!  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.


QUESTION:  Without looking back, how many times did I write Tarvaris’s name?

QB REMIX (Diddy style)

27 07 2009

Diddy Remix

Time to move on, time to be strong
Don’t stop now straight to the top now

These are lyrics from my all time favorite remixed song by Sean “Diddy” Combs called “I Need a Girl (Part Two)”.  You can find this song on the album shown above if you are really interested in it.  I liked this song from the first time I heard it.  The original version of “I Need a Girl” was a sad attempt at winning back Jennifer Lopez, but the remix was filled with the optimistic energy that finding closure can grant.  During my marathon training a few years ago, I started almost every run to this upbeat and passionate tune.  Now don’t get me wrong, this song is NOT a classic.  It is also NOT my favorite song.  It is just my favorite remix.  Remixes are rarely more than hot dance tracks, but they often provide an interesting and updated spin on the original.



Since I’m feeling touched by spirit of Diddy, I’m offering you a remix of some recent posts.  There have been a few notable updates that are probably worth mentioning.

Ben Roethlisberger: I may be giving most people reading this some breaking news.  Ben Roethlisberger is being sued in a civil complaint for sexual misconduct by a woman who formerly worked for Harrah’s Lake Tahoe.  The reason why I might be breaking this news to you is because ESPN has all but banned the coverage of this story on their networks and radio.  They did allow a comment to be made that no criminal charges would be filled, but that is about it.  They believe that civil charges can lack validity and that they don’t want to damage Ben’s reputation by sensationalizing the story.  I’m sure people have varying opinions on this.  I myself agree with it actually.  Still, this is just a remix and I don’t really have time to hash it all out.  Put your thoughts in the comments.

Michael Vick: Take a moment and make sure that Fluffy is still sleeping where you last saw her.  Ok, good.  Michael Vick has finished serving his debt to society, but is still waiting to see how and/or if he will be reinstated to play in the NFL.  It has been widely speculated that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell will give him an additional four-game suspension, but the official decision is set to come shortly.  I personally have major issues with what Michael Vick did, but I do support a second chance for someone who has paid their debt to society.  I believe he has a right to move on and I have a right to vote with my checkbook and not support the team that picks him up.  Again, I know people have strong opinions here.  Don’t send me your nasty emails; put your thoughts in the comments.

Tony Romo: He broke up with Jessica Simpson and has hopefully freed himself of the kryptonite effect she was known to have on his game performance.  Should I really bother to say anymore about this story than that?  No, I shouldn’t.

Brett Favre: I recently had dinner with a very sophisticated sports connoisseur and we got on the subject of the Brett Favre saga.  Our basic synopsis is that Brett is suffering from what I like to call, The Roy Jones Effect.  I named it after Roy, but you can name it after a lot of sports stars.  Almost all great boxers hang on way past their prime, risking their health and legacy.  Roy is a great example of that, but so are Sugar Ray Leonard, Mike Tyson, and many others.  Even Michael Jordan (who is arguably the greatest sports figure ever) struggled with when to say goodbye.  A recent report claims that Brett’s arm is doing well, but that he is unsure if he really wants to return.  They make it sound like the Vikings have to beg him to come back, citing text messages from Minnesota stars like Adrian Peterson.  I simply don’t believe this story.  Brett likes this attention so maybe he jerked the reporter around a little, but I really doubt he is lack luster about playing football.  He knows it might be time to go, but I don’t think he can see himself doing anything else – and still being him.  Disagree?  You know what to do.



I will leave you with a little tip on regifting (you knew it was coming).  Absolutely do it.  Why should you hold on to a gift you don’t really want or need when someone else might actually appreciate it?  Giving isn’t about passing on the giver’s style to someone else; it is about giving something the recipient will find value in.  If it gives you one less gift to pick out or buy that sure sounds like “finding value” to me.  PLEASE, try to only give the gift to someone you think will actually enjoy it.  Simply passing on your junk is just not the kind of giving spirit I can condone.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

Aaron Rodgers

22 07 2009

Julie henderson on field

Which do you find sexiest?

A) A woman in her panties lying on a football field

B) A woman in your favorite team’s t-shirt (and nothing else)

C) A woman wearing a bra and panties with the logo of a hated rival


The woman pictured above is the new girlfriend of Green Bay quarterback, Aaron Rodgers.  She also dated hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons, but Aaron is the new “starter” in her life.  Clearly Rodgers is on top of the world and he deserves every bit of his success. I can’t imagine a worse way to win the top job than to follow the “retirement” of a disgruntled icon (i.e. Brett Favre) who handed over the role with all the grace of a reality show cat fight.  Still, Aaron kept his head up and managed to stay out of the controversy.  He was there to play football and that is exactly what he did.  Rodgers played really well for his first season as a starter (4,038 passing yards and 28 TDs) and I look forward to seeing how he continues to refine his game.

I looked up the word “refinement” and it is defined as, “a highly developed state of perfection; having a flawless or impeccable quality”.  When you give a woman the gift of lingerie it should leave her feeling more refined.  Like the questions listed above, men have preferences in what they find most sexy and so do women.  I have created a few simple questions you can ask yourself (or her) before making a lingerie selection for your mate.  I like to call it the C.A.S.E. method.



C-olor: What are the hues that make her feel the sexiest?  Black is usually safe, but some women prefer pastels.  Others go right for the fire engine red.  Ask her at some point or just take a peak at the lingerie she buys herself.  I don’t mean her everyday pieces (bras and slips) as they are likely to be black or neutral so they don’t show under her clothing.  These are the items that are for special occasions.

A-ttitude: Women like variety in the bedroom, but what does she ask for most often?  This will give you a clue into her lingerie style.  A woman who asks to be thrown down on the bed is probably willing to try out the leather corset.  Someone who frequently asks that you sprinkle the bed with rose petals might prefer a delicate lace teddy.  Remember to cater to “her” vision of sexy and not just your own.  A gift should always be about the recipient, but feel free to make your preferences known to her at some point (that allows her the ability to slowly experiment with your desired style of lingerie and gift it to you later). 

S-ize: What is her size?  This one should be self explanatory.  DO NOT guess here.  Ask her for her lingerie sizes well in advance of the gift (say it is information you just think you should know) or look at a few items you have recently seen her in and grab the sizes off the tags.  I don’t think I need to tell you why giving an item your woman can’t fit into is going to kill the mood. 

E-xposure: How much skin would she enjoy showing?  Some women like to be almost naked in lingerie and others desire a fair amount of coverage.  Ask yourself how your woman behaves during foreplay.  Is she slipping off her clothes from under the covers?  If so, that should be a major clue that she likes more coverage.  Another clue would be if she prefers having the lights on so you can get a better view, that woman is going to be comfortable with the tiniest of outfits.  It is important to not confuse this too much with “S-tyle” because a woman who prefers more edgy ensembles might also like to be covered up a little.  She may enjoy the dramatic effect from the leather corset, but pair it with a garter and stockings so she can have some extra fabric.  On the other hand, the woman who likes the dainty lace teddy might not mind if it is also crotchless.  Be sure to consider “S-tyle” and “E-xposure” separately. 

If you run into a hard time using the C.A.S.E method, ask one of her best girlfriends (assuming you feel comfortable enough to do so) to point you in the right direction.  Women tell their really close girlfriends everything about their sex life (yep, that’s right EVERY-THING); her girlfriend will definitely know her preferences.  Good luck and enjoy!  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

Carson Palmer

3 07 2009


Raise your hand if you know where that lyric came from?  OK…interesting.  I’m going to try to get through this post without flying into rage or curling up into a ball and sobbing.  Wish me luck.  I normally don’t like to allow his name to be spoken, but for the sake of learning I will be covering Carson Palmer today.  During the 2005 season, Carson Palmer was on top of his game.  He ended his season in injury one step from a Wildcard slot, but with expectations for his greatness running high.  I drafted him on my fantasy team in 2006 and he was good (not great, but good).  When the decision came up in 2007, I had a choice of Palmer or Brady.  My feelings on Brady were mixed (see Tom Brady post for more details) so I decided to “stand by my man” and select Palmer for another year.  Well, Brady was nothing short of amazing and Palmer was nothing short of mediocre.  I often played Brett Favre (my backup) just for variety.

I will never (ever, ever, ever) pick Carson Palmer again.  We have OFFICIALLY broken up!  He claims this will be a breakthrough year, but I won’t be falling for that late night booty call from the ex.

Breakups can be tough, especially when it comes to deciding what should be done with gifts given throughout the relationship.  It may seem confusing, but actually the rules are pretty simple.  If you gave it, it’s gone.  However, if you receive a big ticket item (like a plasma TV) the week before YOU break up with someone, the classy thing to do (though still not required) would be to return it.  The one exception to this is an engagement ring.  That isn’t really a gift.  It is a contract.  She gets the ring and you get her hand in marriage.  If you don’t decide to get married, the ring should be returned immediately.  You are NOT a jerk for asking for it back even if you broke off the engagement (though her friends will definitely say otherwise).  If you do get married and it doesn’t work out, the original contract was still fulfilled.  Kiss the ring goodbye. 

Incase you’re curious; I don’t suggest you work any of the “a ring is a contract” statements into your proposal.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

Brett Favre

11 06 2009

Favre Cartoon

There are a lot of things I don’t want to do in life and having to talk about Brett Favre for another season is definitely one of them.  I think the cartoon above best explains the drama that has gone on over Brett’s annual saga of “As the Retirement Turns”.  There have been a slew of episodes where he almost retired, played for Green Bay again, retired, fought with Green Bay management to come back, tried to go to the Vikings, got traded to the Jets, looked good, looked really bad, retired, asked to be released so he could play again, allegedly is talking to the Vikings, had shoulder surgery which implies he might plan to play again, and finally has his camp playing dumb and almost denying they even know who the Vikings are.  “Are they in Minnesota?”  I really really wish he would just retire with grace.

Speaking of wishing, raise your hand if you wish women didn’t want flowers.  Yeah that would be great, but it isn’t going to happen either.  There are a few women that really don’t like them, but you probably aren’t with one of them.  You might also think relationships can evolve past “the flower stage”, but like I said in the last post…be careful because the next guy might not think that.  Like Brett Favre’s retirement, flower giving can be complicated so I will try my best to simplify it for you.  This post is definitly too long (again like Brett’s career), but flower giving is the basics and you can use this as a reference.  

 Reasons to Give

1. No reason at all: This is always the one you should shoot for.  You will get the most bang for your buck, no question.

2. Special Occasion: This is also nice, but if you really don’t enjoy giving flowers save your money and energy for the first reason.

3. You messed up: Just don’t do this.  It is a waste because she doesn’t really appreciate it.  If you do this often she will learn to resent them.

Ways to Give

1. Florist Shop:  It will definitely be the most expensive option, but you have a much better chance of easily doing a good job.

2. Internet: Prices vary, but this should be fairly safe. If you want a big effect when they arrive you might want to use 1-800-Flowers as they will show up in full bloom.  If you want them to last a long time, definitely go with ProFlowers as they ship from the grower and arrive in an earlier stage of bloom.

3. Grocery Store: Flowers in a mid-high range grocery store can work too.  They have their own florist (but you will usually have to get someone to call them over).  This is obviously the cheapest option.  Remember to closely inspect the quality of the flowers.  Brown spots and loose petals are not a good thing.  It is super important that you remove it from the standard grocery plastic wrap.  It totally ruins the effect.  Either ask the florist to rewrap it (which they will do for free) and they will place a pretty silk ribbon around it OR put it in a vase before you give it to the recipient.

Finally, you will be well served by knowing her favorite flower.  Ask her directly and then make a note in your PDA.  That info will always make you a game time hero.  And really…you’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.