Clinton Portis

9 09 2009

PortisCostume1

My kids went back to school today and I (like many parents) took numerous pictures this morning of them all dressed up in their brand-spanking-new first day of school outfits.  Clinton Portis seems to know the power of a fresh new outfit and he wears his various costumes to press conferences just to provide Washington fans with some entertainment.  I’m not a Washington fan, but I do find these antics amusing.  You have to be really comfortable with yourself to go out in public looking that foolish.

PortisCostume2

I personally have a hard time recommending that you buy clothes for someone as a gift.  It is very easy to get both their style AND/OR size wrong.  I tried this once and the gift failure is a story my friends still tease me about to this day.  How could you go wrong when giving someone a plain collared black shirt?  Good question, but here’s the answer.  Apparently, Banana Republic cuts their shirts really small AND many of their shirts are designed in a more cosmopolitan style so they don’t work well for guys who aren’t into fashion trends.  The recipient (let’s call him “Jack”) accepted the shirt and claimed to like it.  He even told me he wore it once, but that was before another male friend informed me of the Banana Republic sizing issues and the extremely high probability that my shirt gift was on its way to Goodwill.  I questioned Jack, but he said it “fit” and that he “liked it”.  I knew that wasn’t true, but just on principle I asked that he wear it so I could see it.  I’ve seen Jack maybe 30 times since then, but have never seen the shirt.  I’ve seen many collared shirts on him.  I’ve seen many black shirts on him.  I’ve just never seen my super styled, super tight shirt – and I never will.

PortisCostume3

Don’t let this happen to you.  Skip the clothes unless the recipient picked them out in advance.  Coats are one exception to this as they require less of a style and size match.  I know many of you will try this anyway, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

PortisCostume4

Advertisements




Chad Ocho Cinco

1 09 2009

Ocho Cinco

If you could have chosen your own name, what would you want it to be?  Our first name tells people who we are and our last name tells the world where we came from.  The player formerly known as Chad Johnson legally changed his last name to “Ocho Cinco” during the 2008 preseason.  This move forced the league to change his jersey and properly honor the union of the number eight and the number five from which Chad was created.

Like most people, I wrote this stunt off as the usually humorous mixture of arrogance and stupidity.  However, I’m starting to think Chad might have been trying to help the world evolve.  Maybe we shouldn’t have to just walk around with the names we were given at birth.  Maybe we need to take his lead and go grab our little piece of individuality.  Too often we conform to norms just because that is the way things have always been.  Why not pick our own names?  We pick our own jobs, clothes, and cars – all designed to reflect something about who we are.  Is it really that crazy?

People like to pick out things for themselves and that is exactly why I’m NOT against giving gift cards.  They allow the person to get something that is perfectly customized to their preferences.  Gift cards get a bad rap for being thoughtless, but they can actually be sentimental or romantic.  Here are some suggestions on making a gift card more personal, but feel free to reach out to me offline if you need additional ideas.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

 

IDEAS TO PERSONALIZE A GIFT CARD 

  • Gift Card Hunt: Fill a big box with candy (M&Ms, Skittles, Tootsie Rolls, etc) and have her hunt for the gift card.
  • Picture It: Put a romantic or sentimental picture directly on it.  Check out these Visa personalized gift cards.
  • Quirky Stores: A $50 gift card to an ice-cream parlor still seems like a fun and unique gift, whereas $50 at Macy’s seems more generic.
  • Entertain Me: Consider a Ticketmaster gift card.  This way you are giving the experience, but they get to pick which performance and/or dates work best for them.




Terry Bradshaw

25 08 2009

terry bradshaw

In my circle of friends, we use the term “Outback wings” to describe anything that receives so much hype that the reality can’t live up to it.  This expression came about because a few of us have deep respect for the chicken wings at Outback Steakhouse.  And why shouldn’t we?!  They are well seasoned, crunchy, not greasy, and meaty.  I DO NOT care what anybody says, Outback makes some great wings!  The fact that I expressed this opinion so admittedly has made some of my friends insist that those very yummy wings are merely average.  I don’t know what it is about something being anointed “great” or “the best” that just makes people want to scrutinize it more.

This is definitely the case in football too.  Terry Bradshaw was the first player selected in the 1970 NFL draft.  Usually this tends to bring on the “Outback wings” syndrome and the player never really lives up to the hype.  I can think of numerous examples of this but the one that is sticking out at the moment is Courtney Brown.  Brown was the first pick of the 2000 NFL draft.  This was the same year Tom Brady was drafted #199.  Brown was plagued by injury his entire career and was ultimately cut from the Denver Broncos in 2007.  Terry Bradshaw on the other hand, lived up to every expectation (and then some).  He won four Super Bowls while quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers.  He was a two-time Super Bowl MVP and obviously he resides in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.  Now maybe the story of a #1 draft pick becoming a hall of famer lacks the kind of dramatic tension we like in the movies, but sometimes the obvious answer is the best answer.

This brings me to the top mentioned “best gift” story from women – the spa day.  Sure it seems SO obvious, but that doesn’t change the fact that most women really enjoy the pampering.  I can’t express how important it is the keep your woman relaxed.  As the expression goes, “If Mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy.”  Trust me – a spa day is a gift for both of you.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.





Dan Marino

18 08 2009

I’m all for swimming with dolphins, but sting rays?!  Isn’t that what killed “The Crocodile Hunter”?  I like a little water excitement, but I draw the line at swimming with sting rays or sharks.  I really don’t want to swim with anything living in the water unless it is a dolphin.

People love dolphins, but they have always struck me as a strange sports name.  The Miami Dolphins are the home of Hall of Fame quarterback Dan Marino.  This is the guy who has held the most passing yards in a season record for 25 years!  Seems like he deserves a stronger team name than the “Dolphins”.  Don’t get me wrong, they are super cute.  It’s just that cute is not what I think of for football names.  How would you feel about the Green Bay Bunnies or the Philadelphia Puppies?

Still, I got four different stories about swimming with the dolphins being someone’s best gift ever.  This makes me think I need to try it!  When I think of all the stories I received, more were about experiences than actual gifts.  Giving an experience allows the recipient the opportunity to hold on to memories long after the value of an item has faded.  I’m not going to lie – big experiences usually don’t come cheap.  Here is a list of the one’s I have received, plus some ideas of my own.  I’d be happy to help if you want to do any of these and need help figuring out some of the details.  You can always reach me at giftqb@yahoo.com.  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

BIG TICKET EXPERIENCE IDEAS

  1. Swimming with the dolphins
  2. Helicopter ride
  3. Adult space camp
  4. Bungee jumping
  5. Hot air balloon ride
  6. White water rafting
  7. Skydiving
  8. Stock car racing
  9. Snorkeling/scuba diving
  10.  Horseback riding




John Elway

2 08 2009

Elway

Happy Birthday to all the August babies out there!  Since this is also my birthday month, I wanted to start the celebration early.  We will be taking a walk through the NFL Hall of Fame and hearing some stories from your personal Gift Hall of Fame.  If you haven’t sent me your “best gift ever” story, please keep them coming at giftqb@yahoo.com

 

GOING OUT ON A HIGH NOTE

John Elway might be my favorite quarterback of all time.  Not just because he was a nine-time Pro Bowler, a season MVP, and won two championships.  John is my favorite because he retired at the highest possible time in his career.  John is actually a perfect example of George Costanza’s (from the sitcom Seinfeld) “going out on a high note”.  His last game on the field was his second consecutive Super Bowl win.  It doesn’t get any better than that!

To kick-off the “best gift ever” series, I wanted to share a personal story of my own.  There is no question that this is the best gift I have ever given.  My mother worked for United Airlines for 28 years.  When it became time for her to retire she had an office party (that was shared with several other retirees).  I couldn’t imagine her not retiring in a more grand fashion, especially since this had been the job that made possible a trip to Disneyland for my 5th birthday and a trip to Paris for my 13th birthday (and almost every other family vacation).  Her last day on the job was her actual birthday (since that was the first time she had both the age and tenure needed to retire).  My family decided to throw her a surprise birthday party at a local restaurant and we hired a limousine to take her directly there following her last day.  As a special touch and the “John Elway moment”, I hired two musicians to play the herald trumpets outside while she exited the building for the last time.  Her coworkers cheered and she began to cry.  My mother will always remember that day and it was also one of the best moments of my life.

Hopefully, the gifts you hear about this month will give you some great new ideas. Feel free to claim them as your own.  I won’t tell!  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.





Roger Goodell

30 07 2009

RogerGoodell

Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice reportedly said that being NFL Commissioner would be her dream job.  Roger Goodell (the man pictured above) is the current commissioner.  This job has required him to deal with players fighting dogs, killing people while driving drunk, and getting into fights after “makin’ it downpour” in a strip club – and much, much more.  I’m not sure WHY Condi would want that job?!  It sounds like a major headache to me.

What’s your dream job?  I define “dream job” as the tasks you would still do if you hit the lottery and no longer needed the money.  Are you currently working with your passion?  My passion is giving.  I don’t mean making purchases.  I mean giving of yourself to the people you love.  I mean celebrating relationships and special milestones with those that make your life worth living. 

Giving is a lifestyle and not just an occasion.  It can be infused in everything you do (from compliments, to kind gestures, and of course actual gifts).  Living as a giver is just like being a quarterback.  You get the ball every time, you call the plays, and you have a chance to deliver for the team.  In this case, the team is anyone and everyone.  Giving spreads, so the more you do it – the more others will too.  I can’t think of a better job than helping people win on the giving field and I appreciate you allowing me to do it – just by reading this.  Now if you paid me that would be nice too!  Oh well, you’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

Now go give somebody something!





Tarvaris Jackson

29 07 2009

Tarvaris Jackson, Minnesota Vikings QB

So I know what you’re thinking, who the hell is Tarvaris Jackson?!  He is the guy that Brett Favre tortured for almost the entire NFL offseason.  Would he be getting another shot at Minnesota’s quarterback job?  Today Tarvaris got his answer and Brett Favre officially decided to stay retired.  Favre thought his body was just too old to play an entire season.  I must say I’m really surprised at this decision, but probably not more surprised than Tarvaris was.

Tarvaris has a spotty performance record to say the least.  In the 2008 season, he started two games before being benched.  Due to an injury, he started again in week 14 and actually played really well for the rest of the season.  The playoffs were a different story and they lost in the first round to Philly.  Tarvaris looked terrible in that game!  My mother is a Philly fan and I actually still remember it.

So thanks to Brett’s indecision, the Vikings didn’t make any significant moves to get a better quarterback in the offseason and might be stuck with Tarvaris (and a hope and a prayer).  I say “might”, because there is little doubt Tarvaris will have to fight for his job again, but this time against Sage Rosenfels.  Sage offers Minnesota a less strong, but more accurate option.  Hard to say who wins this one, but who doesn’t love a good fight?!

Fighting is fun to watch, but it isn’t fun to be a part of it.  I’ve heard the popular argument, but I will take happy sex over make-up sex any day.  Once in a fight, some men are tempted to use gifts to try to end the quarrel.  My gift tip here is super simple.  Don’t freakin do this!  Gifts should be to celebrate what you have and not a ploy to alter emotions.  If a heartfelt apology isn’t enough then fix it with your actions (and not your wallet).  Don’t get me wrong, women will absolutely take your gift.  However, you will get more bang for your buck if you give it on another occasion (and the same applies to giving make-up flowers).  SAVE YOUR MONEY!  You’re the quarterback; I’m just here to protect you.

 

QUESTION:  Without looking back, how many times did I write Tarvaris’s name?